Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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