If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
