Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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