She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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