he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
