WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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