to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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