From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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