My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
