i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
