No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
