Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
