The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
