I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize