I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
