she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There are leaves in my underwear?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
