The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
