Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
