i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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