I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
