I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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