i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
