Got a toothbrush?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
