the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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