I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
