I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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