M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
