I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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