On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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