At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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