he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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