try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
