I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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