Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
