he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
