puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
