it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
