The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
