guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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