He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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