My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
