you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
