I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
