someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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