hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
