Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
