I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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