ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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