Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
