I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
