Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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