my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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