yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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