i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
