I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
