we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
