his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
