you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
