Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
